New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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