woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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