You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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