Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
