I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
