2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
