dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
