I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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