I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
