$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
