My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
