She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
