I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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