Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
