just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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