i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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