we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize