His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Farmville is her only friend.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
