Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
