Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
