You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
