We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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