It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
