everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I licked your asshole in confidence.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
