i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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