hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
