I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
