I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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