went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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