Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
