Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
