hotel room ftw
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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