I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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