You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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