If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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