I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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