Can Purell be used as lube?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
