My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
