Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
