That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
