Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
