How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
