Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
