hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
