We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
