That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
