we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The beers last night were like the tears from god
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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