Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
