Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
