Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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