he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
