She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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