a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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