Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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