allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
