you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
