Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
