in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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