thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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